Look within…what do you see? Do you see happiness and joy? Do you see gratitude? Do you see inner peace? Do you see someone who is not afraid to show love and gives of themselves freely? Or do you see regret, anger, hurt, the role of a victim and a hunger for happiness? What is on the inside causes people to act out on the outside.
I had an eighteen year old client who made an appointment with me because he was in fear of becoming like his step-father. His step-father was very verbally abusive. He told me he was dating a beautiful girl and he realized that he was trying to control her with fear and did not want to be like his step- father. He said he couldn’t understand why she would fall in love with someone like him. I said, “You’re right, why would she fall for you, you’ll never amount to anything…you’re worthless…a nothing…you’re un-loveable! Is that what you’ve heard all your life?” Tears came to his eyes and he shook his head yes. I proceeded to tell him what I saw and had read on the papers he had filled out. “I see a man who is very handsome, who cares about how he looks, he’s well dressed and looks like he works out daily. Who is going to graduate from Job Corps in a few weeks and already knows he wants a career in the Army. Why wouldn’t she fall in love with you? You’re very sensitive, intuitive and intelligent. You knew you needed help and came to me to process all of this!” His assignment that week was to make a list of all his personal assets (gifts from God). I asked him to continue to write down his gifts every day and to thank God for them. We had two more sessions before he left town with a whole new outlook.
Growing up we are given core beliefs and when we are raised in a dysfunctional home, these beliefs are not true. Most of them are based on fear. These beliefs are recorded in our subconscious, where all our tapes are filed. They play over and over again in our head and we continue to believe them unless we become aware of how untrue they are and begin to replace them with the truth.
We have to learn to like and love that person in the mirror and when we do, we lose the fear and all the negative emotions and learn to come from love deep within.
Toni True-Wills, Ph.D.